Episode 7, Season 1

Carl has big, massive, gigantic news! Not only does he have the best safety record in the city, not only will he be driving in the Columbus Day Parade, but get this – he will be the lead car! He won’t be driving just any old black and white cruiser either; it’s the antique squad car Eliott Ness drove and the Police station has found it to make sense for Carl to park it at his house. The classic car exposes Rachel as a car lover when she rattles off the make, year, and engine specifics of the old car. She’s desperate to drive it but Carl warns the entire family that no one can touch it except him. Carl is so excited by his big news he decides to conk out on the couch, while he slumbers Harriette and Rachel let their curiosity get the best of them and they convince themselves that they can safely drive the antique car around the block. But as quickly as Rachel can drive the car out of the garage she smashes the fender into a tree! Luckily we learned earlier that Rachel has been taking adult education classes in car repair, she’s positive she can fix the 1934 era Ford fender over night and keep it all a secret from safety record holding Carl and she knows he won’t forgive her “You know he still hasn’t forgiven me for breaking his Flintstones coffee mug!” The two sisters combine their Crawford powers and begin the grand cover up; Harriette takes the house to ensure Carl stays away until the fender is finished and Rachel attempts to see if she earned that “A” she got in body repair. Harriette deftly weaves various lies with the children to distract Carl from the grand racket in the driveway. Rachel makes a shortened deadline due to Carl’s eagerness to prepare for the parade and has the fender fixed and attached to the car just in time. However, as soon as Carl leaves the house he returns with detached (yet spotless) fender in hand and warns everyone when he completes the parade he will use his keen detective skills to find the culprit, and continues on, presumably with re-attached fender. When Carl arrives home after the festivities he receives a round of apologies from the family for aiding in the cover-up and from Rachel for smashing the fender, Carl accepts and reminds them to keep him involved in family problems. At the end of the chapter Carl reveals he also wrecked the car “After the parade I accidentally backed into the Sons of Italy float”.

LESSON: Take an adult education course.

WHOA, COOL IT EDDIE: