Episode 5, Season 1

Its report card day at the Winslow’s! This is always an exciting time of the year for 2/3rds of the Winslow children because Carl has enacted an incentive program that for each “A” grade a child receives they earn $5.00. It quickly becomes apparent which child will be receiving the lowest income when Eddie has to ask his grade school aged sister what “incentive” means and explains to his father before he opens the report card that he may have failed a math test due to dizziness. Oh, but hold the phone, what’s this?! Edward turns in a report card consisting purely straight A’s! While Laura is shocked and devastated that she has for the first time in her life received a single grade lower than an “A” when its revealed she earned a B+ in history. Laura plummets into deep depression over the results of her report card, while Eddie is flying sky high. However, he is quickly shot down after his buddy Rodney (a legendary prankster) reveals that he manufactured fake report cards for all his friends and mailed them out “You thought you were smart? What are you stupid?” Laura continues to mope around the house and refuses any inkling of pleasure until she rights her errant ways, but Harriette quickly spins a good old-fashioned cookie analogy to bring Laura back to earth. Eddies false report card infects Carl with a wild fever of pride for his son’s sudden spark of intelligence and begins showering Edward with expensive gifts and researching Ivy League colleges. Eddie knows he is a fraud, and after consulting his aunt on how he should handle the situation, good guy Eddie decides the best route is to own up to the truth and breaks the news to his father about the trumped up report card that zing-master Rodney had generated. One would expect the real report card to showcase Eddie as an absolute dullard, but its actually a career best of four C’s and two B’s! Harriette is delighted, and after some coaxing Carl is delighted as well. Carl realizes he has put too much pressure on Eddie and agrees to ease up over grades. The episode ends with aunt Rachel hitting on a Harvard recruiter who arrived that Carl forgot to cancel.

LESSON: Don’t trust your friends.

RODNEY ALERT!: