Episode 9, Season 1

Carl doesn’t like change! His longtime partner Burt has up and quit the force in order to pursue his screenwriting dreams in California and now Carl has to work with new partner for the first time in years. It wouldn’t be so bad if his new partner wasn’t … A WOMAN! Carl agrees with the theory of a police woman unlike Eddie “Next thing you know they’ll wanna play football.” (Carl and Eddie burst into laughter). Fears of having to make up for a woman’s supposed lesser physical abilities are squashed when the new partner Vanessa tackles a robber at a liquor store, plus she’s a weight lifter and bowler! When Vanessa arrives at the Winslow’s to pick up Carl for bowling the family is shocked by her rockin’ hot bod; Rachel and Estelle quickly subscribe to the thoughts that Carl will wanna bork her. The following morning Carl notifies Harriette and the family that he is going to be on a marathon stake-out session and spending twelve hours a day in a car with the lady cop and defends Vanessa’s abilities as a police woman to the barbs and jabs from his mother and sister-in-law. Harriette trusts Carl but Rachel and Estelle insist on attempting to force the issue of potential seductions, “We don’t know anything about Vanessa, she could be a sex crazed vixen.” Whilst folding laundry Harriette finds a Motel key to ‘Louie’s Love Grotto’ inside of Carl’s pants pocket and despite the suspicious evidence she insists Carl is being faithful and will prove it by confronting Carl at the stakeout. Vanessa and Carl are in fact staking out the sexy motel and staging a diamond buy from some thugs. The busty Vanessa is having issues with a hidden microphone concealed within her cavernous cleavage and Carl is required to re-wire it within her shirt, this is when Harriette and Rachel coming storming in. After some convincing Carl puts out the fire with his Wife and proves it’s a stake out, he repeats this to his mother when she busts in as well. The entire family is thrown into the mess when the real thugs arrive to sell their stolen diamonds. The microphone continues to fail and the cavalry doesn’t arrive when called on and the thugs get wise to the set-up and try to flee. Carl is able to subdue the smaller criminal but the big one throws Rachel across the room and makes a break for the door, luckily the elderly grandmother Estelle is trained in jujitsu and flips the massive thug onto the floor knocking him unconscious. The old maids are pleased to be proven wrong about their suspicions of Carl and Harritte is thrilled that her instincts were right in the first place. The chapter ends with Carl and Harriette darting off to ‘Louie’s Love Grotto’ to have intercourse before check-out time.

LESSON: Police women are sex objects too.

CARL THE OGLER: