EPISODE 12, SEASON 1

Harriette won’t let 13 year-old Laura attend to a co-ed party! Laura does not find this to be fair at all and has been begging to go for the past month but Harriette says she is too young.  Laura references a date that Eddie was allowed to go out on when he was 13, but apparently ever since that date Eddie has no longer been the same, but the details of that life-changing date are not provided. Laura lays the charms on her father pretty thick and manages to get him on her side and he is able to convince Harriette to allow Laura to attend the party by promising to have the police force use their time to send a squad car past the party every hour on the hour to ensure that she alone is safe. Safety is probably the least of Laura’s problems as she still has yet to find a date. Her friend suggests she go with a Steve Urkel, however Laura is resistant to that idea. Urkel arrives at “Leroy’s” restaurant to ask Laura out, but Laura’s friend, who just minutes earlier suggested Urkel, yells at Urkel, demanding he leave them alone. Urkel won’t give up and informs Laura that his father knows Wayne Newton; this fact does not impress the girls and Laura’s nameless friend throws a French fry at Steven and calls him “goat face”.  Steven then walks into a pole and apologizes to the pole. Laura wants to ask Mark Newhouse out, but her friend insists he will be asking out Jo Beth Hensley but Laura and Mark share a smile across the restaurant and its clear Mark is interested. Back at home aunt Rachel wants to design Laura a dress, but Laura thinks she shouldn’t bother because no one has asked her out yet. Carl insists Rachel make the dress because he is confident that Laura will be asked out; he takes the matter into his own hands and calls Steve Urkles father and arranges the date himself. Eddie later on finds Laura moping on the porch and gives her some brotherly advice and suggests she just call Mark Newhouse herself rather than waiting around; she builds up the courage and despite potential humiliation she calls Mark and asks him to be her date. On the night of the party Rachel debuts Laura’s dress, which she based off of a dress she made for her “Betsy Wetsty” doll some untold number of years ago. Laura is excited about the dress, but Harriette pulls the sleeve off and Rachel has to do an emergency repair job. While the girls are in a rush to fix the dress, multiple non-Mark Newhouse dates arrive for Laura: Steven Urkel as invited by Carl (Steven arrives with flowers he stole, root and all, from a cemetery), and a headphone-clad and possible mute, Tyrone, that Eddie paid ten dollars to go on the date with his sister. In all this mix-up Mark Newhouse shows up and its revealed that Laura’s family has been acting as a quasi-escort service and this drives Laura over the edge of humiliation and she storms off. Harriette finds Laura, once again, moping on the porch; she explains the family’s intentions and how she should relax about having to ask a boy out rather than be asked herself. Mark isn’t dismayed by the evening’s antics, and the two go to the party, but based on Laura’s review it sounds like it was a real lame event. The episode ends with the family retching at the idea of ever seeing Steven Urkel again.

LESSON: Dudes are cool with a woman asking them out. Like, 100% cool with it.